


TO STAR

by nekonyoung



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A pinch of nsfw, Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25667014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekonyoung/pseuds/nekonyoung
Summary: "The idle fleeting thought that he (Bokuto) was a star crossed my mind — no matter what other people might say, we are the protagonists of the world."....he was a star, and so were they.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	TO STAR

**Author's Note:**

> One of the scenes will be insinuating sex BUT nothing really too detailed or graphic. Just thought I'd give you guys a heads up.

**_TO STAR_ **  
**_Written by: Akaashi Keiji_ **

_It was spring when we first met. You were a fire that no one can put out, you were bright, you were eternal, like I could burn if I come close. But you were also warm, and you were bright and you were eternal, like you were this vast space filled with beauty and love and life and you were everything, and eternal. I wanted to reach out to you, hold you close, keep you with me at night, like a prayer, a wish, a dream, a secret that only I can keep. But you were everywhere._

_In a classroom, telling stories about something or other and people were drawn to you. Laughing at your every joke, eyes twinkling to the magic of your every word._

_In a gymnasium, your voice echoing to all corners of the room. You were loud, but you were music. You were life when those around you are close to giving up. And when you laugh, others will follow and new light bursts through them and I was in awe. And I was drawn to this enigmatic being that is you, and I always thought that if I reach out, you’ll suddenly disappear, but you only looked at me and smiled. A reassuring smile that tells me that you’ll always be there and my God, I thought you were beautiful. Like a star, burning ever brighter the darker the night sky gets. A silent guide to the lost, in the night, in the dark. And I was one of them._

_You were in an arena, the moment you set foot inside people’s heads would turn, and you smile, and you laugh, and you were like fireworks on a summer night and I watched you, so real and beautiful and physical and eternal. Every voice from every corner, and every space, calls out your name and you smile and your smile never wavered. And I was there, a mere spectator to your extravagance, and I was in love. And maybe I always had._

_The first time we made physical contact was when you tapped my shoulder. Asking if I could toss you some, and you were so bright that I felt like I was going to go blind. But you were real, and you were there, and you were present. And you were also persistent. That first day, I met someone different. I met the person behind this ball of energy. Behind all those smiles, I saw you falter. I was ashamed, and I still am ashamed, to admit that I never saw the human in you. But in that one moment, I did. And you were still so beautiful._

_Overtime, we became inseparable. Anywhere you go, I was there, keeping you close, keeping you intact. Because behind all that energy, all the smiles, the laughter, all the “Hey, Hey, Heys!” You were Bokuto Koutaro, a human being, a fragile soul, a delicate star that burn brightly eternally in the sky._

_Having you close consumed me though, and every night I often wonder if I’ll be stuck in this loop of keeping you together while struggling to keep myself intact. I also wondered if I ever held you back, you dimmed as I drew closer and the fire that once felt eternal would flicker, like a candle blown by a gentle breeze and it scared me. You were my star, effervescent and enigmatic and I dimmed your light and when you were starting to find your way back to the brightness you once were, I became afraid once more. And I could see it, I could see that you were leaving and I’ll be left behind, stuck in a place where I can only watch you from afar and I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you and so I latched on. I didn’t care if my skin was being chipped away or that I my broken pieces fall apart and you snapped me out of that bottomless pit of misery and you smiled. And your touch felt so warm and so welcoming and so…you. In that moment, you were my star, guiding me back to the place where I’m meant to be and my God, it felt like you were pointing to that empty space right next to you and I felt like I was floating, like everything made sense and everything felt warm and that everything was just you. You were my only star. I was lost and you guided me back and held me close and tight that all of my broken pieces were being glued back together and for the first time in my life, I felt…home._

_After that, I wanted some time for myself to think. A moment with my thoughts, to think about all the things that transpired, and all the feelings that were felt, and everything else that needs to be done. I thought about you, how you’re finally embracing your blinding light, how you’re in the final stages of being a true star. I thought you were wonderful. I thought, I was right, that you were an enigma and that you were eternal. I also thought about how human you still are, in that moment, in the court, being watched by so many people and I thought you were still wonderful. And I had selfishly wished that you would stay close, like a prayer, a wish, a dream, a secret, something that only I can keep. But you were also powerful, nothing else can hold you back, not even me, who suddenly entered your life one spring afternoon and held you tight and refused to let go. I started wondering what it would be like to actually let you go. I honestly didn’t know then what I would do. I had always acted like I was your lifeline when everything doesn’t go your way, I was there, holding your hand. In reality though, it was the other way around. I was the one who needed you, I was the one who couldn’t survive without your touch, without your smile, without your presence. I had wished and wished that you would stay, that you were mine because even if you don’t ask, I am utterly and fully yours._

_The next moment, I realized you were there. Your voice ringed in my ears and I couldn’t shut you out, how can I, when you were my lullaby? You filled the space beside me and I became hyperaware of your presence. I could feel your skin, the heat (or maybe it was the warmth) that you exude, I could feel your breath when your face grew closer, and I struggled to keep myself sane in that moment. You weren’t just my star; you were my drug and I’m growing ever addicted to your presence near me. You were saying something about the game but in the back of my mind I just wanted all of you right then and there, and maybe you felt it too, because the way you touched my arm, and the way you squeezed closer to my space, and the way you whispered something in my ear, and the way you smiled, and the way you came back to talking about the game felt hot and sweaty and I felt you in every sense of the word, I guess, I just felt..YOU._

_That night, we were in my room, and the lights were off and it was just us and you were hovering above me and you were whispering in my ear about how you’ll always be there next to me. And how in every corner and every space you’ll be right there with me. I felt alive, and I felt you, and I felt the heat and your soft lips and I felt the texture of your hair, where they always this soft? I felt you, in every sense of the word, I felt your spirit, I felt your joy, I felt you now, I felt you then, and in the coming days, weeks, even years, I will continue to feel you. I felt you here, there, inside, and outside, I was drowning in you and you were feeling the same. Because even in the midst of this hot and sweaty, my fists clenching the sheets, I felt you in every sense of the word. And after all of that, you stayed close, and you kissed my shoulders and you whispered in my ear, “I love you.”_

_I love you, words that I once thought I won’t have the luxury to hear, words that I often wonder how it would sound like. I love you, I never thought that it would sound like this. Like a warm summer afternoon, quiet and relaxing, as I drink my tea from the patio of our house, watching the world quietly pass me by. It sounds like rain after a bad day of disappointments and frustrations, welcoming the rain as it pours and hits my face and I felt free from all the chains that bind me. I love you, sounded like a happy ending in a movie about star-crossed lovers that finally found their way back into each other’s arms and I wanted to cry, and I did. And you were there, and you held me close, and you repeated those words over and over until I was calm. You stayed, and you were with me, and we shared secrets and wishes and prayers inside that dark, empty room._

_Our love was burning, through the days, weeks, months, and years, it burned. And even though you were so out there, and you were loud and you were sometimes impatient, our love was quiet and private. It was respect, and adoration, and it burned brightly in the night sky and every time I look up it was there, right next to you. We were met with different passions and we held firm to each other. You were happy for me as I was for you and everything felt right. You reached new heights with every challenge and I was there right behind you and you always looked back, and you always smiled, and you would always call my name. I was your home and so were you to me. We were content, we were infinite, we were the protagonists of our own little world._

_But your world expanded, and it became overpopulated, you held my hand through it all so that I won’t get drowned out by it. But it was suffocating. It wasn’t the love we once shared. It was loud, it was constant fireworks and I started thinking maybe I’m drowning. In an ocean of chaos, and noise, and spotlight and I couldn’t feel myself anymore. I was drowning but you were still holding my hand and I wanted to swim away to a small island with nothing but silence and peace but I couldn’t because you were holding my hand. I couldn’t escape, and I tried so desperately to look for a lifeline. I once thought it was you, but in that moment, you felt like an anchor keeping me in one place and would not let me go even though I was already sinking. I was sinking and gasping for air until one night, when you came home, and you saw me and I saw you, and I said I was tired and that I wanted to let you go._

_It was the first time I saw your face contort in such pain that I wanted to look away because it was me that caused this. The shine that you once proudly wore has dimmed, like I blew out a candle in the peak of its flame. It hurt me, seeing you like that. But I was already suffocating, and taking back all the things I said would just hurt the both of us more. The house we once shared, where I fire burned, where we both talked in hushed tones in the dark, in the night, they were all an empty box trapping me inside its walls. Maybe that was my karma, for holding you back some years ago, and maybe I did deserve it. Maybe my heart was weak and my love for you, weaker, that our fire eventually died. But I held on as long as I could, and I was the happiest when I was with you, and I learned so much and grew from everything we’ve been through and maybe soon, we’ll grow to love someone else and they’ll be able to shine with us and grow with us and love and laugh and live with us. Maybe we won’t find them. Maybe, all along, it was just the two of us and I wasted this all._

  
_Stars, aren’t eternal. Stars are a luminous ball of gas held together by gravity. When it uses up all of its fuel, it explodes until emptiness is all that’s left. Our love, the star that we nurtured all these years, it was the same. We fought hard to keep ourselves intact but, in the end, we combusted into nothing. But you, Bokuto Koutaro, you’re still a star, guiding those who have lost their way. You’re someone they would look up to the sky to every night as I have done so long ago. Your energy and your spirit will continue to illuminate everything and everyone you pass by. You’re a star that still lights up my night sky, and until our final breaths, you’ll be here, with me, like a secret I’m willing to keep._

**Author's Note:**

> Not the first Haikyuu fic I've written but this is the first one I finished and posted. The first one is still being written. Hit a wall towards the end and thought about this fic instead. I'll be finishing that other one (NOT bokuaka) soon. Anyway! I hope you guys liked it. Comments and Kudos are welcome! ^_^
> 
> Find me on Twitter: @relifer_


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